What am I Tripping Over?

I’m here again. Somehow I end up in the same place…a place I chose (and swore and promised) that I would not come back to. I am wondering what the barrier is…what am I tripping over to bring me landing back in that same pile of mess… what is my greatest obstacle in life… then the hard truth hits me… it’s me. 



I am my greatest obstacle. I remember the day this dawned on me during a fairly monkey-mind meditation sesh. You know those times you sit and seriously your mind will NOT stop even for a split second. Well, this day, mine had a lot to say. These honestly are often the most beneficial meditations ’cause you keep seeing your own shit and you can’t quite step out of it. It’s messy. You know what I’m talking about right? Even if you don’t meditate (yet) you know. Your mind is whirling and you’re kinda forced to see. Yourself. Your own true nature. And sometimes it ain’t pretty. Sometimes it just plain stinks. But this is the space of awareness where we can see and then actually acknowledge (necessary step toward change) what has been holding us back. Many of us follow this same circular path. The path that leads to the same place over and over. Stuck in patterns wondering how we could possibly have ended up here again. It is our self-limitation that holds us back. Once I pull back from the external blame and realize I am the log I keep tripping over I’m FREE! All of the sudden I was able to see where I could change and move on.. at least in the unhelpful patterns that hold me back. I don’t always have clarity but now I don’t so easily push away those meditations or quiet moments that are not quiet at all. There’s something it’s trying to make me aware of and it usually extends a hand (and a towel) as I step out of the mess and clean up a bit with some clarity.